Chapter 364

The first thing Yoo Jay saw when he managed to lift his heavy eyelids was a pure white ceiling.

‘The smell of medicine…….’

When he lifted his hand in a hazy state, the messy bloodstains he’d last seen were gone, nowhere to be found, and he could feel that the clothes once soaked with clammy sweat and unbearably uncomfortable had been changed into fresh, dry ones.

Following that chain of clues in a daze, Yoo Jay finally realized he was in a hospital, and only then did he let out a deep, relieved breath. Yet even as he did, he found himself thinking about overly practical, almost embarrassing things, ‘ Did I flush after I threw up? If I forgot, did the person who rescued me see it?’ . The thoughts made him let out a low groan.

In reality, even in his disoriented state, Yoo Jay had flushed properly, and Cha Woon, who arrived late, was in such a complete panic that he immediately slung Yoo Jay over his back and bolted for the parking lot without ever checking the bathroom. And even if he had seen a mess, it wouldn’t have crossed his mind to think it was dirty.

‘What happened with the schedule?’

And the moment the most important thing came to mind, overshadowing all those trivial worries, his vision went dark. If not much time had passed, maybe he could still join the filming, even if late. Clinging to that absurd hope, Yoo Jay reached out, IV lines dangling, to grab the phone on the bedside table and check the time.

Then he felt a hand grab his and neatly place it back on his stomach.

“What does a patient need a phone for … Just lie still and sleep.”

‘Ah, now that I think about it, I got a call from Cha Woon right before I passed out, didn’t I?’

When he saw that face, Yoo Jay faintly recalled telling Cha Woon his location, almost like leaving his last words, before losing consciousness. He’d already been thinking the obvious, ‘If I’d missed my schedule, my phone would’ve been on fire by now. It’s this quiet, so someone must have taken care of it ‘. But actually seeing the person who had set aside his own busy schedule to sit here as his guardian, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, sent a sharp ache through his chest.

Seeing the pile of papers and cards scattered around the chair where Cha Woon was sitting, it seemed he had even taken care of the hospital admission paperwork. Normally, that was something a family member would handle, but since Jay had no family to come for him, someone else had to step in.

“…….”

When the body weakens, the mind weakens too.

As his stamina dropped, so did his patience and composure, and even the negative emotions he could usually suppress flared up all at once like sparks catching fire. There was no way he could keep speaking with the same practiced ease as usual.

‘Now I’m causing trouble not just for Yutae-hyung, but for the other members too?’

In the end, Yoo Jay blurted out words he didn’t mean in a voice worn to exhaustion.

“Why stay here and tire yourself out? You should’ve just left it to the manager.”

Hearing that, Cha Woon replied in a calm voice, showing none of his usual prickliness, “Being sick with no one by your side to lean on would feel so lonely, wouldn’t it?”

“…….”

Damn it, what is it about that stupid leader position? Why do people become like that as soon as they take that role? Not long ago, Cha Woon had just been someone he bickered with to a ridiculous degree, but now he suddenly felt like a towering presence.

Yeah, just like Seo Yutae.

Just as even the roughest waves can’t wound the sea, standing before the ever-serene Cha Woon suddenly made everything seem utterly pointless. Feeling the sharp nerves he’d raised to protect his weakened body crumble all at once, Yoo Jay let his body go slack and murmured softly.

“…I’m sorry.”

Yoo Jay could count on one hand the number of times he’d ever apologized to or thanked Cha Woon. But this time, he couldn’t just pretend nothing had happened. Yet Cha Woon offered neither the comfort of a “ It’s okay ” nor the reproach of a “ Why are you causing such trouble? ”. He simply ruffled Jay’s hair with his large palm. Then, smoothing it back down, he rested his hand on Jay’s forehead, as if checking for a fever.

“The doctor gave me an earful, asking what I was thinking, letting your condition get this bad. You have no idea how awkward it was for me, having nothing to say in response.”

“So, how did I end up like this?”

“Don’t you remember? You had a perforation in your stomach from stress and had to get emergency surgery. It’s the day after now. You even woke up briefly a few times and talked to me. You don’t remember that?”

“…I don’t remember.”

“Really? That’s scary ……. Well, I guess you weren’t in your right mind, because you kept rambling nonsense.”

“Nonsense?”

“You kept calling me ‘ Yutae-hyung .’”

“…….”

While he stayed still, accepting that touch so reminiscent of Seo Yutae’s, a memory suddenly came to mind. There was a time when Seo Yutae had cared for Cha Woon after he had fallen ill from an exhausting schedule. He had once asked why Seo Yutae always stroked his head like that even when he didn’t have a fever, and Seo Yutae had answered like this.

“Well, when I was little, my mom used to do this for me, so … I just do it unconsciously.”

He wondered why that voice lingered in his mind like this now.

Yoo Jay pictured him over and over, twice, three times, then soon turned his head to avoid Cha Woon’s gaze.

Bang!

Just then, the hospital room door burst open with a loud clatter, shattering the gloomy atmosphere in an instant.

“Woooow. Yoo Jay, the guy with a hole in his stomach, is finally awake? Aww, what are we going to do about our poor maknae ? I heard you’re fasting for a while. That already sharp jawline of yours is gonna get even sharper.”

“Jay-ya, you must be starving, right? Once you’re better, let’s eat lots of delicious food.”

After giving in to Cha Woon’s insistence and grabbing a meal near the hospital, Lee Chise and Jo Inchan returned with Jay’s belongings from his house. Lee Chise teased Yoo Jay in his usual cheerful tone, and although Jo Inchan seemed a bit awkward, he greeted him with a gentle smile.

These two didn’t scold Yoo Jay either.

Especially Lee Chise, who knew better than anyone that Yoo Jay’s condition had worsened after his clash with Seo Yutae.

For a while, Yoo Jay said nothing. Then, feeling restless as if something were chasing him, he finally asked, “…Why is no one saying anything?”

At that, a brief silence fell over the hospital room.

While the others couldn’t find an immediate reply, Lee Chise, casually arranging Jay’s belongings on the bedside table, spoke in a calm voice,

“What do you want us to say?”

“Just, scold me, or whatever…….”

“Like, how much longer are you going to stay stuck on Hyung’s death, unable to return to a ‘ normal ’ life? When are you finally going to grow up and be someone we can rely on?”

It felt like being struck right in the heart.

Hearing words that seemed to put his own tormenting thoughts into voice, Yoo Jay froze, unable to reply or even breathe. Lee Chise cast him a brief glance, then, with a faint smile, pulled a coffee from the convenience store bag and handed it to Cha Woon before continuing.

“Yeah, I guess there are people who’d scold you for that … but I’m not going to. I know all too well that there are wounds in this world that can never be overcome. And from what I can see, you’ve already been asking yourself those questions more than enough, so why on earth would I bother making you feel even more miserable? … I honestly don’t see the point.”

The wound that neither Yoo Jay nor Lee Chise could ever overcome must have been Seo Yutae’s death. Even mentioning it seemed to leave a bitter taste, and the face that had been so cheerful only moments ago grew shadowed.

“…It seems like you want to be like Yutae‑hyung, but honestly, I don’t really want you to become any stronger. What we’ve been through is already more than ordinary people can bear, and becoming someone who can overcome it all without a second thought … that’s actually a much sadder thing than you might realize. Isn’t that why hyung keeps pushing you away? Because he knows. He’s the one who understands it better than anyone.”

“…….”

“Just seeing you safe and doing well is enough to make us happy. You know that saying, that giving love actually brings more joy than receiving it? To be honest, we’ve spoiled you so much that whether you turn out weak or bratty, it doesn’t matter to us. If anything, we actually welcome it. How nice is it to have a ‘ preciously raised youngest ’? I’m sure Hyung feels the same way. That’s why, no matter what happens, we’ll always be a soft, comfortable world for you.”

Lee Chise, looking a little embarrassed, added jokingly, “That hyung’s too hopeless with words to say stuff like this, so I’m saying this on his behalf, okay?”. But even though his tone was light, the weight of those words was far too heavy for Yoo Jay to laugh off. All he could do was bow his head in silence.

It felt so heavy that he couldn’t help but wonder, ‘ Am I really allowed to receive a love this immense, without giving anything in return? Do I even deserve it? ’. Swallowing the sudden rush of sorrow that welled up in his chest, Yoo Jay finally managed to open his mouth.

“Then, does that mean I’m supposed to stay like this, always unable to be any help to you, hyungs?”

“Yeah, you have to stay like that. For life. It’s not for nothing that people say, ‘ once a maknae, always a maknae ’. Just give up. Logically, as you get older, so do we. That’s why it’s impossible for the dynamic to ever be reversed. You’ll always be younger and fall behind. It’s just how it is. You just have to enjoy it to the fullest.”

Jay looked a little down after hearing that. He parted his lips to say something, but Lee Chise lifted his index finger, as if to tell him to listen until he was finished.

“Instead, pass on the love we’ve given you to kids younger than you.”

“…Pass it on? How?”

“Are you just the same helpless, childish person even in front of younger groups like Pantheion?”

“That’s … no, I’m not.”

“You’re a pretty decent senior yourself, aren’t you? I mean, you even took on the title of ‘ Trainer‑nim ’? That’s all you have to do. You’re already doing well.”

“…….”

“People are shaped by their circumstances, Jay-ya. Don’t you think so?”

Seeing Lee Chise repeat the very words he had once said to Seo Yutae, Yoo Jay was left dumbfounded, drawing in a sharp breath 1 . Just as he was about to say something in return, someone came running and flung open the hospital room door.

BANG!

The one who shattered the touching moment with a bang and drew every eye to himself was Nam Yihwon. His face had gone completely pale as he glanced around at the members, and with an ambiguous smile, he stammered,

“…They said Hyung is on his way.”

At that remark, which sounded like a bolt from the blue, Yoo Jay turned to look at the members with eyes full of a ‘ who-snitched? ‘ glare. Seeing this, Nam Yihwon widened his eyes as if to say, ‘ How dare you glare at your hyungs? ‘ and raised his index and middle fingers like crab pincers, pointing them at Jay’s eyes. It was a clear warning that if he didn’t lower his gaze within three seconds, he’d gouge his eyes out.

When Jay, looking a little dispirited, clamped his mouth shut, Jo Inchan poked Nam Yihwon in the side and said, “He’s sick. Knock it off.”. Nam Yihwon responded with a sideways eye-roll, clearly irritated.

“No, seriously, if I had really told him, I wouldn’t have sprinted over here like this. I’d be in the back laughing my ass off right now. I’m freaking out like this because we’re in this together!”

If Seo Yutae had actually been contacted by a Prism member, someone with Nam Yihwon’s straightforward personality would’ve snapped back with something like, ‘ Yeah, I told him, you bastard. I told him, so what are you gonna do about it? ’, acting like he was the one being wronged. But his reaction now made it clear that the members really weren’t the ones who’d spilled the beans.

Thinking it over a bit late, he finally remembered that his current agency was owned by Lee Saehwa.

He’d been with RH Entertainment for so long that the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, but once a scheduling problem came up, it was inevitable the manager would be informed. And Lee Saehwa was exactly the sort of person who would hand over whatever information Seo Yutae asked for.

It meant that figuring out Yoo Jay’s location would be a piece of cake for Seo Yutae.

While the other members were breaking out in a cold sweat over that, Nam Yihwon checked his phone again and spoke with a look of utter sorrow.

“…He’s in the elevator. We’re f**ked.”

It was the calm before the storm.

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Translator’s Corner:

Lee Chise the only one in this group with communication skill. Lee Chise, let’s get married, you’re the only one for me…..

Pray for PRI5M guys (Yuseong staying out of trouble by sleeping in CJH’s house)

Thank you Vaiz for the lightsticks!

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