Chapter 285

[YOO JAY’S POV]

When I heard the news that Lim Seunghoon had been in an accident, the first word that came to my mind was ‘ karma ‘. Honestly, I felt a rush of satisfaction. There was a hint of bewilderment as well, but it was so faint that it felt almost embarrassing to acknowledge.

When I heard the news that he might never walk again, I was somewhat shocked. Understandably so, since his everyday life, which he had taken for granted just days before, had completely collapsed.

What if something like that had happened to me?

I would have been crushed by despair and wouldn’t have been able to get back up easily.

But that was the extent of my thoughts about Lim Seunghoon’s situation.

To be honest, I even thought it wasn’t enough.

‘…I heard the guy who ran over Hyung with a car was also sent by Lim Seunghoon and Kang Hyukwoo. He’s just getting back exactly what he did.’

Yutae-hyung and the Prism members did their best to hide every clue from me, so I didn’t know all the details of what they had done. But from the way things were going and the conversations I overheard, I could be certain of one thing; Lim Seunghoon was involved in my hyung’s death and had continued to do dirty deeds ever since.

But the thought of that bastard paying for his crimes with nothing more than the loss of a single leg felt almost absurdly anticlimactic.

‘No, he needs to go through pain worse than death … Anything less, and I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.’

In my eyes, the value of a life was not the same for everyone.

Prism, me, and everyone else.

If anyone dared to attack those more precious to me than my own life, I would do whatever it took to get rid of them. I wouldn’t feel the slightest guilt about it. Even if, deep inside, my conscience screamed that it was wrong, I could still put on an indifferent face and act like it didn’t bother me.

But apparently, my hyung didn’t do the same. He was much stricter with himself than I had imagined.

I stood there motionless, watching as my hyung’s back trembled in pain while he vomited. Then, I thought to myself,

‘If the one attacking the person most precious to me is none other than himself, what am I supposed to do?’

If it had been someone else, I could have just gotten rid of them to prevent further harm—but this time, I couldn’t.

‘…Hyung is too complicated for me.’

My hyung was always like this.

He hardly ever moved as I wanted him to, and while he was always at the center of everything, he stubbornly refused any protection from others. Yet, at the same time, he kept digging into my head and disrupting my thoughts.

I forced my throbbing head to function and did my best to put on a normal expression before opening my mouth.

“It’s okay. You were with me that day, hyung. Right?”

Okay, first, I had to make it clear that I wasn’t his enemy. Then, before he realized it, I would get as close to him as possible. Thankfully, I was someone he favored, so if I stayed by his side, he wouldn’t be able to act recklessly.

“You already know this, don’t you? That respecting a flawed system, which repeats the same injustices without any reflection, only serves as a tool to defend the interests of the guilty.”

Next, I had to create a shield for him. I had to keep whispering over and over again to him that he didn’t need to hurt himself, that he hadn’t done anything wrong. Since he had already shattered his own defenses once before, it had to be so alluring, so meticulously crafted, and so convincingly structured that rejecting it would be nearly impossible.

“You just needed an excuse to attack yourself, didn’t you?”

And the moment his rationality became clouded beyond a certain point, all I had to do was take the knife from his hands. Ideally, I should break the knife to ensure it never finds its way back into his hands. If that process left a few wounds, so be it; it was a necessary measure to prevent something far worse from happening.

Finally, I would place a comfortable and beautiful world in his hands, now emptied of everything.

“People are controlled by their circumstances. So don’t feel guilty, hyung.”

Yes, people are controlled by their circumstances.

Seo Yutae was inherently a good person, wasn’t he? The only reason he ended up committing such acts was because of the unjust circumstances he was forced into.

“…It’s not your fault, hyung.”

As I whispered those words repeatedly, my hyung quietly closed his eyes.

Watching him like that gave me a feeling of triumphy, as if I had finally subdued the one person who had always been so difficult to keep under my control and made me anxious. I was relieved that I no longer had to worry about my hyung falling into danger without my knowledge. It almost felt like the headaches that had plagued me all this time had completely vanished.

But the moment his eyelids lifted, revealing his eyes once more, everything came crashing down.

My hyung’s usual indifferent expression had returned.

“Quit with the nonsense. I don’t understand why your idea that you can’t just leave me alone has led to you committing actions that tie you to a crime.”

It felt like a mirage. Just moments ago, he had been utterly wrecked, barely holding himself together. An ordinary person would have leaned on me without question. But my hyung did the opposite; he built an even thicker wall and distanced himself from me even further.

“I’ll pretend I never heard this conversation, so you better not go around carelessly letting anything slip either. As far as you’re concerned, you know nothing about why Lim Seunghoon had that accident.”

‘Why? Where did I make a mistake?’

As I searched through my memories, desperately trying to suppress the returning headache, I suddenly remembered my actions at the hotel the day my hyung disappeared.

“So, let’s go back. Let’s go back and get some proper rest…….”

‘…Oh, damn it.’

And I realized that I had made a fatal mistake.

I shouldn’t have dared to try to control my hyung. If anything, I would have stood a better chance if I had just begged him in a tearful voice, like I did back then.

Seo Yutae was someone far removed from the concept of ‘ ordinary ‘. From a very young age, he had lived a life of taking responsibility for both himself and others, and he was completely ingrained with the habit of deciding and overcoming all situations alone.

‘Do you really find that easier? That’s ridiculous.’

Only now did I realize the obvious—that for someone like my hyung, exposing his vulnerabilities and accepting help from me wouldn’t bring him comfort, but would feel more like a threat. I couldn’t have been more foolish.

“Hyung, please…….”

“Stop it.”

“Hyung!”

The threat that I might fall under police suspicion, the threat that I was trying to help him. Right now, my hyung had subconsciously reverted to his usual state of vigilance, seeing me as someone to be wary of once again.

This was my hyung’s ‘ ordinary ‘ self.

“…….”

In the end, the most effective approach to achieve my desired outcome was to appeal to his weakness, his affection for his cherished one, just as I had done that day in the hotel.

But that approach had a fatal flaw.

“Don’t ever try to get involved in this matter again. Don’t even take an interest.”

It couldn’t be used in situations where his loved ones might be harmed.

‘That means I won’t be able to protect Hyung for the rest of my life.’

As much as I wanted to deny it, I could feel my anxiety getting the better of me when things didn’t go as planned. My thoughts began to drift in a direction different from what I had originally intended.

‘…Do you really hate showing your vulnerability in front of me that badly?’

For over ten years, all I could do was watch my hyung’s back as he handled everything on his own, never allowing himself to rely on anyone. Every time he drew a firm line and pushed me away with the words, “ This isn’t something you need to know ”, did he ever have any idea what I felt?

‘In the end, you don’t rely on me because you don’t find me trustworthy. Why? No matter how much I grow older, why do I always stay the same in your eyes?’

I could feel the sorrow and helplessness I had been swallowing down for so long slowly tearing at my chest and seeping out.

‘…Are you telling me to just let you go again, without being able to do anything, hyung?’

I knew this wasn’t the time to be thinking like this. But a heart that had been packed beyond capacity and neglected for too long couldn’t be easily controlled once it started to spill over.

“Are you telling me to just let you handle this alone, hyung? You’re already this shaken just from hearing the news about Lim Seunghoon!”

My raw emotions poured out toward my hyung without restraint.

Ah, I shouldn’t be doing this. I knew that the more I acted this way, the colder his response would be, yet I couldn’t stop myself.

“Do you really think that stalker is going to keep his mouth shut until the end? Being optimistic is one thing, but this is too much. Think about it. He’s the kind of people who always shifts the blame onto others because he can’t even take responsibility for his own mistakes.”

“It doesn’t matter. My name will never come out of the culprit’s mouth anyway. I never start something I can’t handle on my own.”

It was frustrating how he didn’t seem to understand my feelings. “How can you be so sure? No matter what you say, I’ll never give up! I can do whatever it takes!” As I shouted and grabbed his wrist tightly, he immediately shook off my hand.

Then, with his face stiffened in anger, he glared at me and spoke.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help!”

“…….”

“That fact won’t change, no matter how many years go by, no matter what happens. So stop being stubborn like a child and go back!”

As soon as my hyung finished speaking, he stormed out of the room. He rushed down the stairs and headed for the parking lot.

‘…No!’

Realizing my mistake, I hurriedly chased after him. I had no idea what to say if I caught up to him, but I just kept following him.

If it had been a place where only the two of us were, I would have shouted, “ Hyung! “, but I couldn’t do that now because of the eyes around us. Instead, if I called him “ Seungbeom-ssi “, he would have no choice but to stop due to our senior-junior relationship, but I absolutely didn’t want to do that.

Although my hyung knew I was following him, he never looked back.

I followed him silently, and when we reached the parking lot, a black limousine caught my eye.

In a place where only vans and regular sedans were typically parked, it stood there, giving off a starkly out-of-place aura. As my attention was unconsciously drawn to it, the car door opened, and a long leg in red-soled shoes stepped out.

‘…Lee Saehwa.’

It wasn’t just me who noticed him; my hyung hesitated for a moment before slowly walking toward him. Then, Lee Saehwa smiled, his eyes forming crescents, and spoke softly.

“I was worried, so I came.”

When that voice reached his ears, the atmosphere around my hyung changed. It seemed like a sense of relief, which had never appeared during our conversation, was now clearly visible. There was no trace of rejection to be found either.

In front of Lee Saehwa, my hyung, who had been bowing his head, grabbed his face with both hands, causing his hair to become a mess, then let out a pained gasp that almost sounded like a scream.

“…Ugh.”

The sight of his back, like he’d reached his breaking point, made my heart sink. But I couldn’t approach them; I was left frozen in place, unable to move.

“I figured you were going to have a breakdown, so I tried to pick you up before it happened…….”

“…….”

“…It seems like something has already happened.”

The red eyes, as if reprimanding me by asking, “Why did you do something unnecessary and corner Seo Yutae? ” made me feel that way.

“Go in first. You don’t have any schedules later, right?”

At Lee Saehwa’s question, my hyung nodded. Then, without ever showing his face to me, he quietly got into the car. Lee Saehwa then turned to me and spoke.

“You still don’t know how to learn, Yoo Jay.”

[END OF YOO JAY’S POV]

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Translator’s Corner:

Who miss me….

Ahahaha sorry for two days no update, I think? I was feeling pretty down for no reason (Actually, it’s because all news from every corner in the world have been pretty bleak lately, it makes me question what’s even the point of living in this world omg…..) but today, a new chapter of side story was released T_T

(VERY BIG SPOILER) it’s on flashback arc so you can imagine how happy i am watching their detailed lore … I love them so much …. life instantly gets better … I hope the author wrote 1000 chapters of side stories … I’ll buy them all …….. I can continue to survive this cruel world as long as there’s new chapter every week asdfhjkl wow I really love this story so much, finding this story is the best thing that happened to me in my whole reading NovelFire career T_T (this whole translation thing is just me forcing people to love them too)

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