Chapter 280

Unlike my grandfather, my grandmother always felt compassion for me, who grew up without parents.

I had never felt ashamed of my upbringing, even as a child, and once I reached an age where I could understand such things, I repeatedly begged her not to pity me. However, my plea never reached my grandmother, who had always found it difficult to take others’ words to heart.

Life isn’t guaranteed to be perfect or full of happiness just because a family is together.

Because I loved my grandmother dearly, I was able to smile even in difficult moments. Because I knew she was getting older, I made countless efforts to show her only good things and speak only kind words, so that if we parted unexpectedly, I would have no regrets.

I endured so much, so why did I end up saying such harsh words in the end?

I never even imagined that losing just a moment of composure would have such consequences.

“Aah, aaaah…….”

If only I could, I wanted to turn back time.

The first thing Lim Seunghoon said after watching me drown in unbearable guilt, despair, and regret—unable to pull myself out—was this.

“Director Kang also said not to tell anyone. Since you don’t have any remaining relatives anyway, there shouldn’t be any problems if we keep it quiet.”

His reasoning was that we shouldn’t cause any harm to Prism’s activities over unnecessary matters.

“…Unnecessary matters?”

My head ached as if it were about to explode from the countless thoughts.

I wanted nothing more than to just disappear on the spot or strangle Lim Seunghoon. My mind, pushed to the breaking point, was creating extreme thoughts.

But in the end, I followed Lim Seunghoon’s instructions.

“Are you going to take away the members’ opportunities just for your sake?”

Those words sealed the decision.

Indeed, at the time, Chise-hyung was considering joining a hip hop audition program, Nam Yihwon had received an offer for a new project, and Jay had announced his long-anticipated solo debut at the perfect moment. That wasn’t all. Cha Woon-hyung was in the middle of a collaboration with famous musicians, and Seo Yuseong had decided to participate in a singer survival program featuring only veteran artists.

These were all once-in-a-lifetime opportunities for the members.

“You … you’re not intentionally trying to sabotage your career because you think you can’t catch up to the other members’ skills, are you?”

I was afraid.

I was afraid I would make the members unhappy.

At that point, the obsession that I shouldn’t hold the members back had already taken root in my heart like a curse,completely dominating my thoughts. On the other hand, I might have also wanted to hide it from them out of shame for having hurt my grandmother until the very end.

The doctor called it a very irrational thought.

“…That was the most rational decision I could make at the time.”

“But you’re bringing it up to me now because you regret it and feel guilty. For you, Inchan-ssi, it was was an emotional burden you couldn’t erase.”

“…….”

“Inchan-ssi, you wanted your loved ones to be there for you during your hardest times. Because that’s what family is all about.”

It was only after Yutae-hyung left the group because of my harsh words, and I barely recognized that something was wrong and started taking prescribed medication, that I was able to acknowledge that truth.

Until then, I really, truly believed my decision was the right one.

When I brought it up, the doctor replied in a calm voice, “ That’s just how it is. “

If I had gotten that answer just a little sooner, if I had realized my condition just a little earlier, Prism wouldn’t have ended up this way.

It was a series of regrets and failures.

“Chan-ah, why do you seem so down these days? Is it because of the hate comments?”

“…It’s nothing like that. Don’t worry about me.”

I had to send off my last remaining relative all alone.

Every time I felt my grandmother’s absence, my mind seemed to be falling apart a little more. Then, at some point, my eyes started to be drawn to the small screen of my phone.

“…Yeah, it was because of this.”

[How many years have they been active, and he still can’t catch up to Seo Yutae? It’s tiring to see him perform on stage when he has nothing to show.]

As a celebrity, I was used to receiving malicious comments and such. In the brief moments captured between split seconds, my tone, expressions, and even the smallest actions were scrutinized. People who had never once met me in person would take every baseless rumor and use it as evidence to judge my very nature. I had experienced this countless times.

I could easily ignore those ridiculous comments, so why did I become so fixated on a few of them?

It was because I wasn’t confident in myself. My grandmother must have thought I was truly lacking and felt sorry for me. If that was the case, I had to eliminate the source of this messed-up situation, even if it was late.

The belief that ‘ if you work hard, you’ll eventually be rewarded ’ had long since shattered against the harsh reality, but I was still left with no choice but to keep trying endlessly.

I couldn’t change the public.

The only thing I could change was myself.

“Don’t be swayed by what people say and focus on your practice. If you’re afraid of falling behind, you shouldn’t waste your time looking at such things.”

So, I’ve returned to the starting point of the problem. The moment I became aware of it, I felt a vague fear, as if I were trapped in a maze with no way out.

But even that didn’t last long. I had to run. Time would never wait for me, and geniuses who could achieve in just 10 hours what required 10,000 hours of hard work were already ahead of me.

I started practicing again.

‘ Physical limitations cannot break me ‘. Ironically, when I immersed myself in that thought while practicing, I no longer felt the pain in my knees.

The truly ironic thing was that, even in such a twisted state, I still felt happiness. Even if I was a bit slower at picking things up, seeing myself performing the same choreography as my members brought me genuine joy.

I still loved the stage and Prism.

But in the end, my time came to a complete stop.

“Call an ambulance! He can’t get up!”

I knew.

I knew that no matter how much I struggled, reality wouldn’t change. I knew that what I needed most now was rest, and that my body—reality itself—had long since failed to keep up with my resolve.

But, but…….

If I just collapse like this, what will become of my resolve?

“Hey, want me to let you in on a secret? Do you know why Seo Yutae created Prism? It was because of Jay.”

“Go ask Seo Yutae. ‘Why did you put me in this group?’, then he’ll tell you. You were just thrown in to fill the numbers.”

My passion and dreams, this unquenchable desire, what will become of them?

[Is Lee Chise seriously insane? Haha, watching him slash with the metaphorical knife in his verse makes me dizzy.]

[I cursed Seo Yuseong for joining a show with only veteran singers and said he wasn’t good enough, but I didn’t expect him to perform like that from the very first round and win … Seo Yuseong is truly number one when it comes to singing.]

[PRISM Jay’s ‘ Killing ‘ achieves all-kill on music charts … Successful solo debut]

“The winner of this award is, from ‘In the Sky, In the Heartl’, Nam Yihwon-ssi!”

“Woon-ah, you got a collaboration offer from Baek Kiheon-ssi?”

How on earth am I supposed to solve this loneliness?

“…In the end, it was talent that mattered, not effort.”

When even the only remaining option disappeared, I was engulfed by an infinite emptiness and rage.

It was all my fault.

But at that time, I was so weak and cowardly that I couldn’t even endure that.

“Hyung, why on earth did you put me in this group? Was it to torment me?”

Each word I spoke made my memories slipped away, and I couldn’t even remember what I had just said. Even as I thought I should stop, I couldn’t, and every time my mouth moved, I clenched my fists and waited anxiously for my hyung’s response.

How pathetic I must have looked, trembling like that after hurting someone else. There couldn’t be anything more pathetic than myself. However, even after seeing me like that, Yutae-hyung never once pointed it out or blamed me.

“Do you know the reason why Seo Yutae isn’t saying anything to you right now? It’s obvious. He just gave up on you.”

Back then, I resented even that. I felt like he didn’t even think I was worth it. If I had looked at my hyung’s face, even just once, instead of listening to Kang Hyukwoo’s words, I wouldn’t have had such thoughts.

The festering wound in my heart started to get worse and worse, out of control.

“Honestly, you’re just a nuisance now. You’re only harming the group’s image. Aren’t you being too selfish?”

The words that hurt me the most eventually became the words that hurt my hyung.

‘Grandma always told me not to hurt others.’

Sending off my grandmother alone was ultimately my choice, and it was something I had to fully bear. However, the unresolved emotions that were rotting inside me began to head in an unwanted direction, toward the one person I should never have directed them at.

“Where are you going? You’ve been keeping your mouth shut this whole time, so why are you acting like this all of a sudden?!”

As soon as I came to my senses, I regretted it.

“Chise-hyung, uh, what should I do? Yutae-hyung is gone. He just left me behind. I, I must have lost my mind for a moment.”

I regretted it again.

“Yuseong-ah, please, just once … just let me meet Hyung once! It seems like he’s not answering my calls … You’re still in contact with Hyung, right? Please!”

I tried to clean up the spilled water after it was too late, but all I got in return was a cold stare.

“…Do you have the right to meet my brother?”

Somehow, I had become the very person I feared most: someone who made my members unhappy.

[I’ll arrange for you to meet Seo Yutae, the person you’ve been so desperate to meet. Come to the place I’m sending you now.]

Kang Hyukwoo was smiling as he watched me in that state.

[The member of the popular group Prism, Seo Yutae-ssi, was found dead in front of a high-rise building in Seoul at 8:45 this evening…….]

The situation just continued to worsen, and in the end, my hyung’s time came to a stop.

But this time, my time started moving, leaving my hyung behind.

[Jo Inchan’s fancam is insane, seriously. His facial expression acting is the best ㅠㅠㅠㅠ As expected, after all this time, it’s always Prism]

[Prism, rising again after overcoming the absence of a member … “ The Return of the Legend “]

But I could never catch up to my hyung, not in a million years

As I shamelessly held onto the name of Prism and stayed at the peak, this question suddenly came to me.

‘What on earth am I doing?’

What must Yutae-hyung be feeling when he looked at me now? ‘ He must be resenting me ‘ I thought, and as I mulled over this obvious expectation, everything started to feel meaningless.

Every night, I dreamt of my hyung despising me.

But why…….

“No matter how hard they’ve had it, how much they suffered in places the public doesn’t see, they endured to the end and are still standing at the top. I really think that’s … amazing.”

The hyung I’ve finally reunited with doesn’t resent me, right?

My hyung was grieving as he stood before a child who resembled me.

He was afraid that the child might get hurt in this harsh world.

“No matter what anyone says … you are the stars that shine the longest in my heart.”

“So, believe in yourself just a little bit more.”

Only after taking him in with my eyes, was I able to picture my hyung’s face, which had been blurry in my mind until then. I realized, ‘ Ah, so that’s what kind of expression he had .’

Although he was blunt and clumsy, my hyung was a person whose affection knew no bounds.

He was someone who would believe in me and love me until the very end, no matter what happened.

The Seo Yutae I knew has always been that way.

‘How could I have forgotten that…….’

No matter the situation, I should never have hurt my hyung. Despite knowing this clearly, the Prism members were still embracing me because, within the fence that Yutae-hyung had created, it was only natural to do so.

Even if everyone shares the burden of someone’s mistakes or shortcomings, we make sure not to let anyone be left alone.

We defined that as family .

How kind and tender is this world?

That child, Lee Danbi, would face countless hardships in the future. He would always be overlooked when it came to the core of being an idol—the stage—and would have to remain a small existence. He was a child born with a fate even harsher than mine, one in which my talent couldn’t be recognized.

But if, despite that, he still won’t give up,

“… Wait! I, I have something to say ……. Please wait just a moment.”

I wish the world could be a little kinder.

So that the person who has so many precious people, the person who blames himself for everything, won’t be hurt any further.

Let’s broaden my hyung’s world.

That was the only atonement I could offer.

“I ask for your understanding. Please watch over these children with warmth as they learn, through falls and rises.”

My hyung, who was watching me as I said that, was smiling.

It was the smile I had longed for with all my heart.

[END OF JO INCHAN’S POV]

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Translator’s Corner:

Burning down RH Entertainment is not enough, I need to personally throw them into hellfire ….

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