Chapter 264

The act of investigating a criminal’s background and trying to understand their psychology was exhausting in itself. There were also side effects, such as the glorification of the crime during the process, which could cause even greater harm to the victim.

“If they hadn’t manipulated you and used you for their own agenda, your relationship with your parents wouldn’t have deteriorated this badly. Don’t you think that’s pretty irresponsible?”

The sweet words I whispered to Dalli were nothing more than unpleasant lies that could only be tolerated because I was the victim of the crimes Dalli had committed.

How infuriating would it be if someone who had no connection to me, or someone who prioritized Dalli over me, appeared and said to me, the victim, “In the end, Dalli was just a pitiful person who wanted to be loved by his parents ” or “ Dalli wasn’t originally a bad person, but he became this way because of Kang Hyukwoo and Lim Seunghoon “?

I had no intention of denying the environment Dalli had grown up in or the pain he had suffered. This was because denying existing facts and blocking the information necessary for the judgment I needed to make right now would be irrational.

In order to control and use Dalli more perfectly, I had to understand him beyond the scope he was consciously aware of. It was not ‘ understanding for empathy ‘, but ‘ understanding for analysis ‘.

I needed to fully understand what kind of wounds he had, what obsessive thoughts those wounds caused, and what actions he would take as a result of those thoughts. Only then would I be able to avoid making the same mistake as Kang Hyukwoo.

As I had those thoughts and went outside, Choi Jeokhyeon’s car stopped right in front of where I was standing. He must have been watching the situation through a camera installed somewhere out of sight.

The driver’s door opened, and shortly afterward, Choi Jeokhyeon approached and stood right in front of me.

It was just a courtesy remark, so I could have simply replied that I was fine and let it pass. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I stood there in silence for a moment, then, as if spellbound, absentmindedly answered.

“…No.”

It wasn’t hard.

Controlling Dalli was much easier than I had expected.

That realization, triggered by my own answer just now, filled me with dread.

“…He was so easy that Kang Hyukwoo looks like a joke in comparison. He ended up stupidly turning Dalli an enemy.”

Kang Hyukwoo must have ultimately decided to use Dalli, taking into account his poor judgment in assessing his own situation objectively, his ingrained violent tendencies, and his lack of social skills.

‘…If I hadn’t intervened, and if Han Seungbeom didn’t possess any special abilities, Dalli would still be under Kang Hyukwoo’s control, being used.’

If morality were set aside, Kang Hyukwoo had made a reasonably efficient decision under the condition that he had to deal with me by any means. Therefore, the reason I perceived him as ‘ complacent ’ wasn’t really because he was stupid.

I just found the method Kang Hyukwoo had taken to be unsatisfactory.

I couldn’t shake the thought; why hadn’t Kang Hyukwoo chosen a more meticulous approach, one so flawless that Dalli wouldn’t even sense anything was off, when the method to control him so perfectly came to my mind so easily?

‘Is it because my method is ethically wrong? No, there’s no way Kang Hyukwoo would care about that. Is it because it’s too much of a hassle?’

And after standing there lost in thought for a long time, I realized—Kang Hyukwoo hadn’t chosen not to use the same method as me for some specific reason. He had simply never thought of it in the first place.

Right now, I felt like a child who had learned multiplication, frustrated while watching another child count numbers one by one.

‘…No way.’

Everyone has their own uniquely outstanding trait. In some cases, it remained so subtle that they never realized it throughout their life. However, there were also instances where it was powerful enough to bring about significant changes—like Yoo Jay’s keen eye, Lee Danbi’s resilience, or Choi Jeokhyeon’s decisiveness—earning it the title of talent .

The current me clearly belonged to the latter category.

‘The reason I have been able to control exceptionally difficult people like Choi Jeokhyeon and the other Prism members all this time is because…….’

Realizing this made me feel unbearably afraid.

‘…Was I always this kind of person?’ . As that question surfaced, I began to doubt all the relationships I had built until now.

“No. I wasn’t trying to use you … I was just trying to do the best I could because I really loved all of you. You, the members … are different from someone like Dalli. I cherish you all so much…….”

My hand was shaking violently, as if in a spasm, but I couldn’t stop them of my own will.

As I squeezed my eyes shut, I felt a hand grip my shoulder and shake me forcefully.

“Yutae-ya.”

Hearing Choi Jeokhyeon’s distinctive calm and gentle voice snapped me back to my senses, and I lifted my head. He smiled, his eyes forming crescents, and said “You’re finally looking this way”. Then, he guided me into the passenger seat and asked.

“I called you several times. Didn’t you hear me?”

I hadn’t even realized he was calling me until my body was shaken. Since he was someone who often played pranks in subtle ways, I wondered if he was just lying to tease me. But when I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t heard anything at all—not just his voice, but any sound—until now.

“…Ah.”

As soon as I realized it and managed to utter a weak reply, and Choi Jeokhyeon placed his neatly shaped hand on my neck as he asked.

“Are you okay?”

That single, brief question brought forth a multitude of doubts: What exactly did he mean by ‘ okay ‘? Was he asking because he thought there was something wrong with what I had done? Or was he trying to point out something about our current relationship?

“Yutae-ya.”

And at the sound of his voice calling me again, my mind, which had momentarily become tangled with thoughts, went dark once more.

Suddenly, I felt empty, as if I’d been hollowed out.

“…….”

As exhaustion inevitably followed, I rubbed my face with my hands and realized that I didn’t have the energy to figure out Choi Jeokhyeon’s intentions at the moment. So, I decided to just ask him directly.

“What.”

My voice came out sharper than I had intended.

Startled, I stiffened and muttered, “Ah, sorry”, to which Choi Jeokhyeon responded with a soft chuckle.

“I just asked because you seemed a little tired. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Choi Jeokhyeon did nothing wrong in this situation. However, as an apology meant solely to make me feel better was thrown out without hesitation, I suddenly recalled what Dalli had said to me earlier.

“Phew, that’s a relief. Are you feeling better now?”

I took a sharp breath and quickly lifted my head, my eyes meeting Choi Jeokhyeon’s gaze directly.

And what I saw was Choi Jeokhyeon’s face, deeply somber, a stark contrast to Dalli’s expression.

“…….”

Had he been looking at me with that expression the entire time?

As I found myself unable to look away from those red eyes and felt my pulse quicken beneath his touch on my neck, Choi Jeokhyeon finally spoke.

“What are you so afraid of, Seo Yutae?”

“…….”

“Are you afraid that, just like you did with Dalli, you might have unconsciously manipulated the people you cherish? That maybe they were so blindly obsessed with you and followed you because of it?”

Feeling as if he had struck a nerve, I could only part my lips without managing a reply. Seeing this, he began to speak softly with a faint smile

“The reason Yoo Jay was able to catch your eye was that he could quickly pick up on what you wanted and respond accordingly. The reason Lee Danbi was chosen by you to join the group and managed to maintain a positive relationship with you was his resilience. Do you think those kids did anything wrong?”

“…No, they didn’t.”

“Yes, everyone lives by making use of the abilities they have. That’s only natural. What matters is the intention behind their actions and the results that follow. Not once have you ever tried to take advantage of the members of Prism or me for your personal gain. Even when you received unintended benefits, you didn’t just take them one-sidedly. You gave back even more in return. If that’s not affection, then what is it, Yutae-ya? Besides, if you had really been trying to use me, there’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed. You put up such a fight refusing, even when I was willing to do anything for you, so what are you saying now?”

I wanted to be someone helpful to the Prism members and Choi Jeokhyeon. I was certain that there was nothing false in that feeling, so I slowly nodded. Then, Choi Jeokhyeon smiled in satisfaction and continued speaking.

“Right now, you’re just feeling uneasy because your trust in yourself has been shattered. Since you’ve always been someone who was reluctant to do things like this, you’re instinctively feeling repulsed.”

“…….”

“That’s just your nature, so there’s nothing you can do about how you feel. But please remember this. If you hadn’t acted this way, Kang Hyukwoo or Lim Seunghoon could have used Dalli at any time to threaten your loved ones. And Dalli had already once brought Han Seungbeom, whom you cherished so much, to the brink of death. No matter what feelings you feel, those facts won’t change.”

After that, low whispers repeated over and over: “ It was unavoidable ”, “ Dalli was a bad person ”, and “ You’re just repaying them for what they did ”.

I knew that was nothing more than rationalization. But ironically, every time I heard Choi Jeokhyeon’s words, spoken solely to ease my anxiety, I regained my composure at an astonishing speed.

“Are you okay?”

“…Yeah.”

My hands were no longer shaking.

***

After a ride back to the dorm in Choi Jeokhyeon’s car, I opened the door, completely drained, and saw the members noisily chattering, seemingly twice as excited as usual. I barely had time to wonder why before a sudden wave of dizziness hit me, making me squeeze my eyes shut.

‘I need to sit down for now, even if it’s just on the floor.’

And so, I sat down on the floor by the front door and slowly began taking off my shoes.

Midway through, I heard the door lock click shut, followed by the sound of Do Yuda dashing over and cheerfully exclaiming, “Welcome home, hyung!”. I gave him a slight nod in response, acknowledging his greeting. As I continued removing my shoes, he began restlessly hovering beside me, fidgeting like a puppy waiting for a treat.

It seemed like he had something he wanted to say, his lips practically itching to speak.

Could it have something to do with why the members were more excited than usual?

As I entertained that thought and put my shoes away in the rack, moving slower than usual, Do Yuda finally couldn’t hold back any longer and spoke up

“Hyung, hyung! Did you hear the news?”

“No.”

“We got an offer to appear on Legendary Singer !”

“…Legendary, what?”

“It’s a survival program where rising rookies cover legendary singers’ songs! This time, they’re producing a new season!”

“…Who gave the okay for us to join a survival program? It’s not like we need more exposure.”

“It’s an opportunity to receive direct feedback from the senior artists we admire, gain more public recognition, and put on great performances with a generous production budget. And most importantly, it’d be awkward to refuse because of the PD’s connections.”

‘Ah, so it’s one of those adult circumstances.’

As I stared at him with dull eyes, Do Yuda, with sparkling eyes, clung to my back and shouted. excitedly.

“That’s not what’s important! We might get to appear in Prism-sunbaenims’s episode!”

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Translator’s Corner:

Giggles … never a boring day in Seo Yutae’s life

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