Chapter 58: The Death of Apathy.

“My Lady, do you feel it?”

I closed my eyes and reached out to that tugging in my mind. That itch that could fade into the background, but could never disappear entirely.

LIAR.

“I do,” I grunted. A spasm shot up my arm as I’d tried to pull the Godblade out. It, like it had for so long now, refused to come out. I tried not to feel frustrated. I did anyway.

Just off to the side of us, Sere was standing in place as Violet launched herself at the girl. I had seen it a few times, and each time just made me wince.

Violet would attack without warning, and it was up to Sere to either dodge or reinforce herself in time. It hadn’t been going well from the few times I had looked over.

Damian wasn’t here, though; given the small stone column in the distance, he wasn’t that far off either.

“And…nothing has changed?”

“No,” I admitted. “It simply calls me a ‘liar’. Sometimes it calls me a ‘coward’ instead.”

Estovan seemed to think for a long time. As we watched Violet charge again, he leaned in.

“You said the Intent behind it was Defiance, yes?”

I nodded.

“Do you know much about Illiana Casper, the last person who wielded that blade?” Estovan asked.

“Only what everyone else does. A commoner by birth who won a King’s Tournament was asked to join the King’s Royal Guard. She did many great deeds, but she never forgot about the common man. In the end, she was expelled from the King’s Guard after she tried to kill him and was sent out to fight in the Sword God War. She died there.”

“Aye.” Estovan nodded. “It is said that Illiana was the fire that drove every shadow away, regardless of how much it burnt her in turn. The former King accepted her, not knowing she would as soon turn that blade against her new liege. What do you think about a woman like that?”

What did I think about her? That thought had never occurred to me.

“I think she was reckless. Her great deeds were cut short by her own recklessness.”

“Would you say that a woman like that embodies Defiance?”

I could see what he was getting at. I’d probably known it myself, but had simply not wanted to think about it.

“I would say that she does,” I said finally. It was very hard not to sigh.

“My Lady, whatever decision you come to, see that you control the blade, and not the other way around.” He looked at me very seriously. “There are many paths to strength, and most people are forced into one. You have multiple. Please, try to remember that.”

He was right. I had a complicated Gift and a Godblade. Most people had neither. Many low-level adventurers only had to get by with relying on basic mana usage. It would have been easier if I had one path ahead of me, a single thing to focus on.

“I will try, Estovan.”

“We must prepare for the Count’s arrival, My Lady,” Estovan said simply as he rose.

I had told Count Vance to have his quartermaster bring the Wyrm core to our estate. Only, today we received a missive that the Count would be coming to deliver it himself. It was rather obvious there was more behind this meeting.

Now that I’d made my public debut, I no longer had any excuse to stall him.

“I’ll be along shortly then.”

Estovan nodded as he left, leaving me alone on the grass. I stared at Violet and Sere. They hadn’t stopped moving for half an hour now.

Even as I watched, Violet charged at Sere, throwing an obvious punch at the girl’s stomach. Sere might have gotten her hands up in time if it hadn’t been a fake. Her real blow was slamming her elbow so hard into Sere’s chest that the girl just fell over.

“Come on. Get up!” Violet called out. “Don’t tell me all you’re going to do is eat dirt all day!”

Sere pushed herself up, her breathing ragged, and charged right back. Violet sidestepped effortlessly and swept Sere’s legs out from under her. Sere hit the ground hard, a trickle of blood appearing at her lip. From an earlier wound, most likely.

"Again!" Violet barked. "Come on. Faster!”

Just looking at them made me wince. This was pretty much exactly how Violet had beaten me around, not only at her Manor, but the few times we had ‘sparred’ here too. Sere got up a lot faster than I had though. Charged with more enthusiasm, too.

She was still clumsy, even to my eye. But…it did look like she was getting more sure of herself now.

It wasn’t quite skill, but it was a start.

“That’s better. Keep fucking looking at me like that!” Violet roared as she charged forward too.

"That's enough!" Damian’s voice cut in. I didn’t even see him run in. He held his hands out in front of him, and a wall of stone separated Violet from Sere. “What the hell are you doing?” He shouted. “She can barely even stand. You made her bleed!”

“Zip it,” Violet yelled right back. “This is how you actually learn, rock boy. Just because you’re a damn coward doesn’t mean she is too!”

I was going to have to break this up. The entire reason I’d had them train far away from each other was to avoid this.

COWARD.

The word echoed in the courtyard from Violet, but it slammed into my skull from the Godblade. It made me almost fall over.

Everything else fell into the background. I tuned out the shouting match in the dirt, fixing my attention on the invisible weight in my mind.

“Is that it then?” I muttered under my breath. “You’re upset because I’m not just running around and destroying everything that pisses me off? Is that really it?”

There was no response at all for a moment. Then, there was an angry hum from a part of myself that had been carved out for the blade.

“You’re joking,” I said. “Did you truly think that was the kind of person I was when you chose me?”

Another angry hum. Not for the first time, I wished the blade could speak in more than a few words or faint impressions.

Liar.

I frowned, stared up at the sky. “And just what the hell is wrong with that? People lie. Everyone has to lie sooner or later. There isn’t a single person in this world who can honestly say they’ve never had to just grit their teeth and lie in the moment.”

The blade didn’t answer this time. Didn’t even give off an impression of a reaction.

It was hard not to think that the Godblade was being very petulant.

“Let me guess, you want me to storm into those grand Council Chambers and just attack anyone who threatens me.”

There was another hum, this time one that resembled…agreement?

“And then what? Would you have me do the same to Duke Bulwark himself? The King?”

Another hum.

I growled. “And then? Ours is but a small Kingdom. Even if I killed the strongest person here, that’s still just a tiny part of the world.”

Surprisingly, this time the blade was actually silent.

“See? There are some things that even you hesitate over. That doesn’t mean you aren’t still Defiance . It means you have common fucking sense.”

An angry spasm ran up my arm. Apparently, the last thing a Godblade liked was to be insulted to its face. That anger grew until I thought I could understand. With the anger came...understanding.

This wasn’t just anger at me; this was an anger at the world itself. It was like the Godblade was demanding that I know its motivations weren’t nearly as petty as I had said they were.

“I suppose I do, now,” I murmured slowly.

The Godblade let out a satisfied hum that echoed in my head.

“But do you think it’s any different for me?” I whispered slowly. “Do you?”

The Godblade was watching. I could tell that much. Its weight was heavy in my mind.

I slowly exhaled and closed my eyes.

I let myself feel everything.

I was back in the Council Chambers, hearing Lord Wardell report to the other Dukes about the missing children. What had Duke Greenward called them?

Some missing orphans.

He had said it matter-of-factly, as if just discussing them was somehow beneath him. There was no malice in the tone. Simply a mundane boredom. The other Dukes had all agreed. If I’d had the power of a God, I would have killed them all. I didn’t, and so I’d simply held my tongue. Not just that, I’d kept myself as empty as I could, until only an idle frustration leaked past the barrier keeping righteous fury at bay.

It had always been thus. My debut had been no different. Duke Greenward had bested me. His cronies had smiled and applauded. My own allies had shrunk away, as if I were already dead. If I’d had the power of a God, I would have spilled enough blood to fill that Great Hall.

My Earthly life was much the same. I was a frail girl who wanted to believe in her mother. No, one who had to believe in her mother, lest her entire world come crumbling down. If I’d had the power of a God, I would have burnt the whole world that had let things get to that point.

“If you can give me power to burn everything that infuriates me,” I whispered. “Then fine. I’ll take you, and I’ll burn, and I’ll burn until there’s nothing left. Of me, or anything else. If you can, then fine.”

“But if you’re just a fucking voice in my head….” I took a deep breath. “Then shut up and watch. Defiance and stupidity are two different things.”

There was silence. My mind wasn't empty anymore. It was filled with rage, enough that my hands clenched so hard the knuckles were white. Enough that each breath had to be forced out for me.

For the first time, the Godblade didn't fight me. It didn't push back. It drank .

The mental presence grew stronger. I raised my hand. I didn’t have to pull. I simply had to want .

The Godblade coalesced into my hand, shining as brightly as it ever had. It was good that the sun was still out, or my blade would have been blinding. It had never glowed this brightly, I was sure of it.

It wasn’t just white, either.

There was an edge of pink to the color, so faint it was easy to miss in that radiance. A blending of white and red.

It wasn't my actions, I realized, staring into the blinding light. More understanding came.

It was my apathy. My willingness to hide myself. You can't defy a world you've numbed yourself to.

“You want me to hurt, huh? You want me to rage.” What a cruel little blade. It had reacted to me, tamping down on my emotions then.

A thrum ran down my arm from the metal. It was a single word, carved directly into my consciousness. It felt heavy, even to think about.

Valerian.

I stared at the blade. It was a name I had never heard before. Yet, I knew it was a name. Its name. As surely as I knew my own -both of them.

“Is that what you want me to call you?” I finally asked.

Another buzz ran up my arm. It gave off the impression of a reluctant nod.

“Very well then, Valerian,” I said, dismissing the blade. It disappeared from my hand in an instant, its presence settling into my head again. “You are stubborn, aren’t you?”

It felt like I’d won out on a tense negotiation. It also felt like I was closer to an…understanding. Or perhaps it was the other way around, and the Godblade was starting to understand me.

I reached for my Gift.

Two. Kings.

The Godblade seemed to pause. Even its protest had sounded hesitant.

Two. Intents. Clash. Laws.

Break. Them.

“So, you’re willing to help me now, are you?” I whispered.

It felt like a rather significant hint.

I blinked, only just now realizing that the arguing in the ring had stopped entirely. Damian, Violet, and Sere were all staring at me. Valerian must have been so bright they’d spotted its shine even in the daylight.

“Sorry,” I said, stepping forward. “I had a disagreement to settle. It's settled.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Violet muttered, arms folded. "Guess you finally stopped moping."

"I suppose so."

She shook her head and turned to glare at Damian. “Do explain to rock boy over here that he needs to mind his own damn business.”

Damian’s face reddened. He stuck out a finger towards Violet. “Or explain to this meathead that Sere isn’t a damned punching bag! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

“I’m training her, you moron,” Violet said.

I understood them both. I might have asked Violet to teach Sere, but I had hoped that she would go a little easier than she had with me. On the other hand, Sere did genuinely look like she was getting better.

Resolve.

A whisper in my head.

I paused, just as Sere stepped forward between the two. She pointed at Damian and shook her head. She winced even as she did, some bruise or other that my eyes can’t see.

She turned and gave Violet a thumbs-up. Her smile was forced. Her eyes were watering.

There was a fire there, all the same.

She had made her choice, and a hard one at that.

“I guess that settles it then, doesn’t it?” I said.

For once, both Damian and Violet seemed to be on the same page. They were both quiet.

A distant horn blared from the gates. Right now, I knew that meant only one thing.

Count Vance had arrived.

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