Episode 70 — The Order of Sloth, or the End of the Divine Realm

It’s deep. Once you sit down, you’ll never want to stand up again. This "Throne of Sloth" has transcended the mere concept of furniture; it is a physical manifestation of paradise.

The texture of the premium leather, the internal structure that redistributes body pressure with mathematical perfection—above all, that sensation of one's mind becoming as still as a calm sea just by sitting in it. It was well worth the fifty million Lumina, a sum I once couldn't even fathom.

I sank deep into the throne, my hand unconsciously and rhythmically stroking the back of Tama, who was curled up on my lap. On the monitor before me, the "current state" of Felsen continued to flow by as data. Volg, acting as the "Shadow," was nipping unrest in the bud; the casino setup was proceeding exactly according to the "expected value"; and Gustav was processing people as "variables." The voices of children echoed in the schools, the plumbing flowed without a single clog, and the new tax system was enriching Felsen’s treasury without an infinitesimal margin of error.

(...Perfect.)

Even if I don't lift a single finger from now on, the massive system called Felsen will continue to optimize itself and cycle through autonomous updates. The fact that I, the "Administrator," do absolutely nothing is what leads to the city's greatest stability. As a reward, my Lumina points continue to tick upward by the second, even at this very moment.

"Mrrp."

"Hmm? What is it, Tama? You can tell how good this chair is too, can’t you? It’s the best. I feel like I never have to move from here for the rest of my life. ...No, there’s simply no need to move."

"Meow. (...You’ve finally fused with that chair and become a decorative object. I hope you turn into a fossil so some adventurer can dig you up tens of thousands of years from now.)"

"I see, I see. You like it too. Good. I’ll pet you some more. ...It’s peaceful, Tama."

"Mrow. (...Listen to me, you shut-in.)"

I listened to Tama’s purring as I took a sip of my cola. No matter how noisy the outside world becomes, my order—my happiness—is contained entirely upon this throne. I don't move. With that alone, the world remains beautiful and rotates in silence.

***

— The Divine Realm, Chief God’s Office.

"Luminaaaaa!! Pull that man off that chair right now! This instant!"

The Chief God’s scream shook the heavy walls of the office and caused the massive crystal plate at the center to vibrate violently. On the monitor the Chief God was pointing at, ominous crimson error logs were cascading down like a waterfall.

[WARNING: Uncertainty (Fate) has vanished in the Felsen Territory]

[EVENT: Wealth stabilization via Mathematical Necessity (Casino) confirmed]

[THREAT: 'Shadow Order' by new Felsen organization infiltrating the world's underside]

[LOCATION: Hero (Tarmane) is on Zect's lap (Quest Progress: 0%)]

"What do you mean, 'things are going well'?! Zect has finally integrated 'Fate' itself into the system! Overwhelming gambling with mathematics is a direct insult to the 'absurdist entertainment' created by the gods!"

Lumina, the goddess in charge, however, looked completely unfazed. Dressed in a revealing casino dealer outfit, she thrust a spreadsheet of divine power totals under the Chief God’s nose with a delighted expression.

"Chief God, look at this! Our divine power growth rate has maxed out! We’ve reached the point where we can maintain the entire universe's infrastructure just by having people worship Master Zect! You know those budget proposals you used to slave over every year? You can throw them in the shredder now!"

"D-damn you...! It’s not a matter of divine power! Because he stays sitting in that 'Throne of Sloth,' the causality around Felsen has been frozen into a state of ultimate stability known as 'Stagnation'!"

The Chief God’s eyes bulged at a single piece of data emitting an eerie glow in the corner of the crystal plate.

"...Lumina. What on earth is that 'Throne of Sloth' chair? I thought you just sent him some random piece of furniture, but the mana readings are unmeasurable."

Lumina gave a cute little wink.

"Oh, Master Zect said it had a 'divine sitting experience' and seemed very satisfied!"

"That’s not it! Did you add some weird function to it again?! Since that chair was placed there, the laws of causality around the sanctuary have become as rigid as an iron plate!"

"Oh, it’s nothing major. I just slightly reinforced the sanctuary’s barrier functions. ...Well, I might have gone a tiny bit overboard."

"...You what?"

Seized by a terrible premonition, the Chief God activated the Divine Realm’s highest-precision measuring device—the Column of Causality—with trembling hands and aimed it at Zect’s house in the northern forest of Felsen.

Immediately after. With an ear-splitting BEEEEP, the measuring device began to spark and emit thick black smoke.

"Wha... What?! Measurement impossible?! My... even with my authority as Chief God, I can't look inside the sanctuary?! W-what does this mean, Lumina! Does this mean even I cannot enter?!"

"Ahaha, of course! I mean, I can go in because I’m the creator! But that chair makes it so that anyone with 'hostility,' 'ulterior motives,' or even just 'the intent to force him to work' is absolutely forbidden from entering, whether they're a god or a demon king! You’re thinking about 'making him work,' aren't you? That’s why you’re blocked!"

"..."

The Chief God was speechless. Zect had completely withdrawn into a physical "Absolute Safety Zone"—a place beyond the reach of divine interference, outside the laws of causality. As long as he sat in that chair, he was protected from every law of this world.

"...Damn you, Lumina. ...At this rate, at this rate, no one will ever be able to stop him...!"

With a shaking hand, the Chief God grabbed a bottle of the strongest possible stomach medicine and poured the contents directly into his mouth. The monitor finally showed Elishua about to head for the elven village, and the shadow of Leonard approaching from the Capital.

"...Finally, that 'poison of efficiency' is spreading to the elven village... and if Leonard from the Capital provides unnecessary stimulation and Zect happens to stand up from that chair..."

"If he stands up?"

"His system of 'Sloth' will synchronize with the entire world... and the very 'Divine Logic' of this reality will be forcibly rebooted!!"

The Chief God swallowed his medicine and looked up at the heavens, shivering.

"...Lumina. Continue the surveillance... and listen well. ...Under no circumstances must you let him stand up from that chair. ...The day he truly decides to 'move in order to clear away nuisances' is the day the logic of this world is rewritten forever..."

"It’ll be fine. Master Zect will definitely never move!"

"How can you be so sure of that?!"

"Because that’s just the kind of person he is!"

"Shut uuuuuuuup!!!"

Far from the futile conversation in the Divine Realm, the night in Felsen deepened. The dazzling lights of the rising casino and the whispers of the Shadows. And the man sinking deep into his throne in the sanctuary, worrying about the most trivial thing in the world: "Maybe the cola tomorrow would be better if it was a little less carbonated..."

As a result of "Order" being brought to Felsen, the gears of the story began to spread their silent encroachment.

ーーー

Part 1: The Felsen Reform Arc — COMPLETE

Continued in Part 2, Chapter 4: Symbiosis of Sloth

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