Chapter Nineteen: Lunch

“Brion, is it okay for me to say I hate paperwork?”

Sitting in front of my computer, I sigh, looking over the stupid document that I’m supposed to be filling out. Turns out in the corporate world, you have to fill out paperwork when you kill people, but not when you kill a beefalo. I suppose that makes sense, but it’s still fucking annoying.

{“I don’t see the point in you asking me, you’ve already said it a few times.”}

Clicking my tongue, I lean my head back against the headrest. “But–”

{“It’s beginning to grate on me, just finish the report and then go eat something Minea.”}

“Ugh fiiiine.” Despite my tone, I can’t help but smile as I look down.

Honestly, Brion has essentially taken the place of Maribelle for me while I’m out of contact with her. The SAI are somewhat similar though they do have their differences. Brion is much more outwardly serious than Maribelle is, but as far as I can tell, he tends to lean towards taking care of his crew over NAER’s best interests. Which, if I’ve read Liam right at least, makes a whole lot of sense if they’ve worked together for a long time.

There’s a part of me that worries what Maribelle is going to say when we get a chance to talk today. Our dramatic separation and the anxiety we both felt at me being alone was essentially pointless due to something we didn’t foresee, and I’m leaning into that crutch regardless of the fact that it probably means that if I lose this job and am sent off alone, it’s going to be as rough as the first time it happened.

There is of course a non-zero chance of that happening, but it’s small enough that I’m willing to just write it off as something to worry about when it happens. I wish I could do that for my other anxiety too but I guess that’s just not how it works.

As I near the end of the document, there’s a knock at the door to my side, which then proceeds to open before I even say anything. Carrying two large bags, Brianna walks in and over to my workbench, where she dumps it down. I raise an eyebrow, glance back at the document, quickly write my name twice before I close it and rush over.

“What is all this?”

Brianna grins at me. “Food!”

I give her a look. “This is like, a weeks worth of groceries if that’s true.”

She waves a hand at me. “Bah, it’s a bunch of non-perishables along with our actual lunch. I saw how little you had when you first arrived, so I assume you didn’t have the chance to pick up some snacks.”

Picking up a box out of one of the bags, I tilt my head. “Choco-crocs?”

Brianna grins. “The best shitty chilled pastry you can get your hands on!”

After a moment of looking at her, I shrug then rip the box open to pull one out. For some reason, it’s in a double wrap, which makes a bit more sense as I remove the inner layer to find the thing almost freezing . I hesitantly bring it to my mouth, and take a bite.

Disappointed, I frown at the snack. “This is just a cold twinkie covered in chocolate…”

“Isn’t it great?” Brianna shamelessly reaches over and gets one for herself. “I still don’t understand how they managed the cold thing.”

{“Well, it’s to do with a nearly molecularly perfect –”}

“Nobody cares, Brion.” Brianna glares at the hologram above me. “I’m still kind of frustrated at you right now.”

{“What? What did I do?”}

Taking a bite of her Chococroc, Brianna mutters, “Made me look bad.”

{“That’s your fault, not mine.”}

Narrowing her eyes, Brianna points at the floating orb. “No, it happened because you had to be kept a secret! That’s at least, a third of the blame!”

{“Me being a crime in that country is something I quite literally can’t avoid Brianna.”}

My coworker is quiet for a moment, then gobbles down the pastry in her hands before reaching for the second bag. “Okay, the real reason I’m here!”

She takes out a styrofoam takeout container, holding it out to me. It’s a bit warm as I take it, and I pop it open to find something else I’ve never seen before. “What the hell is this?”

Brianna beams. “I had David make some of his family’s famous meatloaf!”

“This is meatloaf?” Brianna hands me a fork, and I use it to poke at the pile of ground beef. “What the hell is the appeal of this?”

“It’s like meatballs, but in loaf form!” Brianna picks up her own container, which has a meatloaf sandwich in it that she takes a bite of. “C’mon Minea! Try it!”

Hesitantly, I take a bite of it, then roll it around in my mouth a bit. “I still don’t get it. It tastes like onion and ground beef, with ketchup on top.”

Winking, Briana does a finger gun at me. “Exactly! That’s why I like the sandwich form, because it’s basically just a meatball sub.”

“Ketchup is not tomato sauce.”

Clicking her tongue, Brianna corrects me. “No, it literally is. It is not marinara sauce, which is the italian base tomato sauce.”

Rolling my eyes, I take another bite. “It’s not like I won’t eat it, but wow if they’re famous for this, I don’t think I want to try anything else they make…”

Briana snorts, almost coughing out the bite she just took.

“I’m impressed you got that so quick, yeah, if David is making other than meatloaf or something else meaty, probably avoid it. It’s inedible.”

I giggle lightly after swallowing. “Duly noted.”

We go silent for a few moments, nobody really finding words. I steal a few glances at Brianna, finding that she very pointedly doesn’t look at me as she eats her sandwich. Theres a little bit of warmth that grows inside my core at her being here and doing her best to spend time with me despite my aura.

Especially considering that she isn’t especially well put together at the moment. I hadn’t really noticed when she first arrived, but she looks like she’s had a bit of a rough day. Her makeup, which I hadn’t even noticed when I first met her, is gone, showing that she is definitely more tired than she was yesterday. Her hair, still braided, has simply been tied together and thrown over her shoulder to forget about it. She also is still wearing her combat suit, though so am I and she was when I met her as well, so… maybe not the best thing to take note of.

She does look good in that though. I flush a bit realizing I’m being weird, and pointedly look away from her. It’s really not appropriate for me to be looking at my coworkers that way, even if Jun blatantly took joy from it. I don’t even know if Brianna likes girls, let alone the fact that if I did get with one of my coworkers I’d probably get fired.

Trying to take my mind off it, I stare down at the meatloaf to try and figure out whats in it. The onion, beef, and ketchup is obvious, but seriously what is that flavor? Is it nutmeg? Cloves? Whatever it is, it’s starting to get old fast. My eyes wander to the first bag filled with junk, and an urge to toss this meat and get something sweet starts to get stronger.

“Hey, Grim.”

Taken off guard, I jerk my head over to Brianna, who now has her eyes closed. This is a serious conversation then, huh?

“Y-Yeah?” I kick myself a bit inside at that stutter. “What’s up, Holmes?”

“How do you feel?”

I blink. “Sorry? Can you elaborate?”

“About today, what you had to do?” Brianna puts her food down. “This was your first time being sent out to kill people, after all.”

“Ah…” I gulp, considering a few things. “Can I tell you a somewhat related story, Holmes?”

“Depends on what it is, we need to talk about this.”

Hesitant, I slowly state, “It’s about the first time I killed a man.”

Brianna sits up a bit. “Okay, you have my attention Grim.”

“It’s a bit of a long one, if you’d rather me not and focus on today–”

“Nah,” Brianna cuts in, “If you think it’s relevant to how you feel right now, then…”

“Yeah, it is I think.” I take a breath. “So, the important context to this is that my single mother died from HIV-3 when I was five.”

“Shit.” Brianna frowns. “I read your file a bit, you didn’t have other family, did you?”

“Noooo p e” I very deliberately pop the p. “Also, did you know Texas got rid of governmental childcare about a year before I was alone?”

“What the fuck…” Brianna shakes her head. “Sorry, please continue.”

“I mean, I think that’s a valid reaction to that, but whatever." I look up towards the ceiling as I reminisce. “Anyways, I was on the streets for about three years, a lot of it was a blur and the parts that weren’t are a story all on their own. We’re skipping ahead to the day before I was taken in as an apprentice by the Director of the Rafflesia Crematory.”

“A day?”

“Yup. probably less than that actually. I had been truly alone for a couple of weeks at that point for a couple of reasons, my former friends having been… forcibly removed from my vicinity, and I was doing my best to survive in spite of that.”

I sigh, tapping my foot. “It kind of happened too quickly for me to remember it all too clearly. I had been keeping my head low but some security guy managed to catch that I was frequenting a particular area, and decided it was his job to tell me to fuck off.”

“Ah…” Brianna nods. “As much as I hate it, I think I see where this is going.”

“He walked up to me and grabbed my shoulder, nothing either of us could say would convince the other, so he pushed me to the ground. I just so happened to land beside a broken glass vase that someone had thrown on the ground for no good reason. Next thing I know, after my body moved by itself in my defence, I had cut my hand about as deep as I cut his throat.

Brianna hisses.

“My first instinct was to run, and I did. Nobody else knew exactly what happened apparently, so I got off scot free after I amateurishly cleaned and wrapped my cut.”

“I can imagine it didn’t feel good.” She pauses, then elaborates. “Er, the emotions after you killed someone for the first time or the wound.”

“That’s probably putting it lightly. I was kind of fucked up at that moment, so when I heard that the man was going to be cremated, I made a bit of a foolish decision.”

“Oh no, Minea…”

I chuckle ruefully. “Yeah, I went to the ceremony and watched the man I murdered be burned to a crisp. I sat there and watched the entire thing, then didn’t get up until the Director came up to me because they were worried. They noticed my hand and dragged me into the back room to clean it up correctly. When they figured out I didn’t have anywhere else to go anyways, they offered me an apprenticeship.”

Reaching over, I pick up a half finished paper flower from a bit away on the table. “I spent most of it learning how to fold, and then about two years later I ignited and everything else is history.”

Brianna, silent, seems to chew upon the story with her eyes still closed. I let her think as I resume work on the flower. A few minutes later I’m almost done as Brianna sighs.

“Okay, I think I’m better understanding how you’re doing more so now than when you had to kill that cow.”

Quitely, I refute, “I think it was a beefalo…”

Even with her eyes closed, Brianna dramatically rolls her eyes. “To-mayto To-mawto, the difference might as well be one and the same at this point, and that’s not really important anyways.”

I nod. “Sorry, please continue.”

“Every time you’ve fought and killed a human, it’s been in defence of something against an aggressor correct?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good way to put it.” I pause, a particular moment coming up in my mind that I squash away instead of mentioning. “Yeah, definitely.”

Taking a breath, Brianna finally opens her eyes. She flinches upon seeing me. “W-well, that makes me both more and less worried for the long run then.”

Tilting my head, I ask, “Elaborate?”

“Well,” Brianna starts, “I had noticed you were doing better today, and I was worried it was you either holding in your feelings or having absolutely no feelings about what happened, both of which would have been difficult to address. It’s not either of those cases since they were attacking us thankfully, but it makes me a bit worried about what is going to happen should you end up being ordered to kill innocents.”

With a grimace, I nod. “Yeah, I don’t know how that would go. I think it depends on the situation?”

Standing up, Brianna stands up and takes my container when I offer it to her. “Well, if I can help it I’ll probably be the one to take that job. I’ve had to do it enough before, and we can’t let Marcus do it.”

That takes me a bit aback. “Should I even ask why that last part is there?”

Brianna winces a little as she walks to the trash can. “Lets just say that he’s not exactly someone you want to be the enemy of.”

I shudder at the mental image that raises in my head, which I pointedly banish to the nether realms to be forever forgotten. “Yeah, I’m just going to not think about that anymore.”

“Probably for the best.” Brianna turns back towards me, walking over abruptly. She reaches out, putting a hand on my shoulder, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Minea, please, next time you feel like you did after that first sortie, come to me. I’m supposed to be the adult here, so let me help you.”

Feeling a bit fuzzy, I nod. “Thanks, Brianna. I’m not a kid though.”

She pats me, then walks towards the door. “Keep telling yourself that, kiddo. Have fun with the snacks.”

She pauses, then turns to me with a smile. “Also, you can call me Bri, if you want.”

Huh. I think I might just do that.

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